Michael Swanwicks Periodic Table of Science Fiction 83 Bismuth Bi 208.9804The Pepto-Bismol Hour Hey kids What time is it Its Pepto-Bismol Time Pepto Pepto Pepto Pepto-Bismol Tiiiiiiime Ah the classic television shows of the Fifties Remember the Pepto-Bismol Hour Sure you doWith Peppy the Clown and the Pepto-Bismol Kids and of course its genial host Guy Adventure.Once a week hed put on a pith helmet and become The Adventure Guy and lead the Pepto-BismolKids on an action-packed safari on Planet Bismuth. Which may have been just a few unconvincingpapier-mache boulders against a painted desert backdrop but it sure seemed good enough for usyou betcha And how about their alien sidekick Pinkie All together now: Gleep-gleep Did you remember totouch your nose and cross your eyes Good. Everything on the show was pinkPepto-Bismol pink. You couldnt see that on TV of coursebecause the show was in black and white. But every now and then thered be an item in theColoroto section of the Sunday paper with all the Pepto-Bismol Girls in their frilly pinkdresses and the Pepto-Bismol Boys in their trim pink suits. It was that kind of attention todetail that made the show so great. Okay so the cartoons werent much of a much. Kids used tohave nightmares about those motionless giant bottles with human lips crawling on their cartoonfaces like worms. But cut them some slack. This was years before Clutch Cargothey were justahead of their time. And the dancing chickens Buck-buck-buck-a-buuuuuck Yes of course theywere just a line of feather dusters on a stickthat was the joke Still the same skit on everysingle show it did begin to wear after a while. It was educational too. No really Rememberall that stuff about how Pepto-Bismol was made from bismuth and how it soothed the stomach by Yeah me neither. So I guess it wasnt really educational after all. But its intentions weregood. Guy Adventure did put on a little weight in the later years. Hell the man was a blimp. But henever gave up. Remember that big mustache he grew and how