Lullaby ?? Chuck Palahniuk At first the new owner pretends he never looked at the living room floor. Never reallylooked. Not the first time they toured the house. Not when the inspector showed them throughit. Theyd measured rooms and told the movers where to set the couch and piano hauled ineverything they owned and never really stopped to look at the living room floor. Theypretend. Then on the first morning they come downstairs there it is scratched in the white-oak floor: GET OUT Some new owners pretend a friend has done it as a joke. Others are sure its because theydidnt tip the movers. A couple of nights later a baby starts to cry from inside the northwall of the master bedroom. This is when they usually call. And this new owner on the phone isnot what our hero Helen Hoover Boyle needs this morning. This stammering and whining. Whatshe needs is a new cup of coffee and a seven-letter word for quotpoultry.quot She needs to hearwhats happening on the police scanner. Helen Boyle snaps her fingers until her secretarylooks in from the outer office. Our hero wraps both hands around the mouthpiece and points thetelephone receiver at the scanner saying quotIts a code nine-eleven.quot And her secretary Mona shrugs and says quotSoquot So she needs to look it up in the codebook.And Mona says quotRelax. Its a shoplifter.quot Murders suicides serial killers accidental overdoses you cant wait until this stuff is onthe front page of the newspaper. You cant let another agent beat you to the next rainmaker.Helen needs the new owner at 325 Crestwood Terrace to shut up a minute. Of course the messageappeared in the living room floor. Whats odd is the baby doesnt usually start until thethird night. First the phantom message then the baby cries all night. If the owners last longenough theyll be calling in another week about the face that appears reflected in the waterwhen you fill the bathtub. A wadded-up face of wrinkles the eyes hollowed-out dark holes. Thethird week brings the phantom shadows that circle around and around the dining room walls wheneverybody is seated at the table. There might be more events after that but nobodys lasteda fourth week. To the new owner Helen Hoover Boyle says quotUnless youre ready to go to courtand prove the house is unlivable unless you can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that theprevious owners knew this was happening... quot She says quotI have to tell you.quot She says quotYoulose