by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle ?? c 1976 by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle ?? ???? ?? CHAPTER 1 ?? ?? ?? I thought about being dead. ?? I could remember every silly detail of that silly last performance. I was dead at the end ofit. But how could I think about being dead if I had died ?? I thought about that too after I stopped having hysterics. There was plenty of time tothink. ?? Call me Allen Carpentier. Its the name I wrote under and someone will remember it. I wasone of the best-known science-fiction writers in the world and I had a lot of fans. My storieswerent the kind that win awards but they entertained and I had written a lot of them. Thefans all knew me. Someone ought to remember me. ?? It was the fans who killed me. At least they let me do it. Its an old game. At science-fiction conventions the fans try to get their favorite author washed-out stinking drunk. Thenthey can go home and tell stories about how Allen Carpentier really tied one on and they wereright there to see it. They add to the stories until legends are built around what writers doat conventions. Its all in fun. They really like me and I like them. ?? I think I do. But the fans vote the Hugo awards and you have to be popular to win. Id beennominated five times for awards and never won one and I was out to make friends that year.Instead of hiding in a back booth with other writers I was at a fan party drinking with aroomful of short ugly kids with pimples tall serious Harvard types girls with long stringyhair half-pretty girls half-dressed to show it and damn few people with good manners. ?? Remember the drinking party in War and Peace Where one of the characters bets he can sit ona window ledge and drink a whole bottle of rum without touching the sides I made the samebet... ?? The convention hotel was a big one and the room was eight stories up. I climbed out and satwith my feet dangling against the smooth stone building. The smog had blown away and LosAngeles was beautiful. Even with the energy shortage there were lights everywhere movingrivers of lights on the freeways blue glows from swimming pools near the hotel a grid oflight stretching out as far as I could see. Somewhere out there were fireworks but I dontknow what they were celebrating. ?? They handed me the